I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
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God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
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I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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