She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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