Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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