Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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