i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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