she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i now understand why vodka
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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