We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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