GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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