oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize