How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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