I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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