Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
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I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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