Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
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come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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