never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize