i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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