I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
is it fun? or sober?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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