If that was your dad, he is hot
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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