you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize