She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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