Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize