FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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