I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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