I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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