literally had 100 drinks last night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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