the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm too high and old for this...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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