I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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