I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize