Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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