dude i'm inner monologue high
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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