It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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