I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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