I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My cat gives me a boner
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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