there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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