Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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