I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
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