Whod you bang
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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