The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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