I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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