Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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