you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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