Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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