Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize