I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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