When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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