I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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