fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
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We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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