the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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