I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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