batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm just crazy horny about you
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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