I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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